The Secret Diary of… Ye Dyrty Politickes
Tale as old as time (or Myfter Peteres)
Myfter Williams, Taranafi Dystrct —
Aha, these wood-carvings clearly depict Goodie Garlick cavorting in a most unsavoury fashion with the devil, who’s also trans and gay. And the caption, my god!
Oho, the supplementary carvings don’t show that at all — let’s just ignore those for now. To the Marketplace!
The MarcketPlayce of Ideyas, X —
Have you seen these wood-carvings of Goodie Garlick cavorting with the devil. Why have the town criers or village elders not done something about this? Probably their pro-devil bias.
Wytchfynder Peteres Office —
These carvings and the capton raise serious questions about Goodie Garlick and why the town criers or village elders haven’t employed a wytchfynder to investigate. Only I, the wytchfynder, can solve this one.
The MarcketPlayce of Ideyas, X -
Death to Goodie Garlick and their family! Death to their child! Clearly this is an offence before God, and a trial must be held immediately where they will be fairly treated and found guilty and put to death! We have all the evidence we need! The Wytchfynder has spoken!
The Town Criers -
“Why is it that the Garlick family lost their way?”, “Is this still the same Garlick family we used to know?”, “Serious questions for the Garlick family!”, “Will Goodie Garlick resign from the Village Elders?”
The Village Elders (Greene) —
Are you lot ok? Seems like everyone’s just accepting this without actually paying attention to any of it. Like, where did these woodcuts even come from?
The MarcketPlayce of Ideas, X -
DEATH! DEATH! ALL OF YOU ARE UNCLEAN!
Goodie Garlick —
I have seen that woodcut, and the caption, and they are of a costume party with some lovely family woodcuts we had taken last hallows eve, with a playful caption about dancing with the devil, my partner in costume. Maybe I shouldn’t have kept them, but they were a part of my life that I will not erase to make others comfortable. I’m more than happy to speak with the Wytchfynder about this if they like.
Wytchfynder Peteres —
No! NO! NO! I will not speak with anyone, the real problem is the village elders (not me) and the town criers. Ask them why they haven’t asked Goodie Garlick any questions. I will not be talking more about this, I was completely right!
The Town Criers—
These woodcuts originally came from a Myfter Williams, who has previously organised the ‘Burn All The Witches We Identify’ gathering in Welyngton last year. We should ask him about why he did this.
Myfter Williams, Taranafi Dystrct —
How dare you question me, a man with a wife and children. You know what this is? A typical town crier WITCH HUNT. Woe, woe to me, who has never done anything wrong! Help me, help me, help me!
